November 2011
198 posts
The Oatmeal explains appeal of 'Twilight' →
theoatmeal.com
It all makes sense now… Off to write a book, brb.
Day Six: Your views on mainstream music
Music is music. Also what counts as mainstream? I hate this idea that if it is ‘mainstream’ it somehow isn’t any good. It’s mainstream for a reason, surely?
28th November 2011
- Got up at 11:28
- Showered and dressed
- Met flatmate half an hour late in sitting room
- Went to subway for lunch
- Did some Xmas shopping/browsing on Princes St
- Bought happy funtimes Xmas decorations for flat
- Watched ‘Elf’, ‘Home Alone’ and ‘Die Hard’ while Katie decorated the world’s cutest tree
- Did some Xmas cross-stitch
- Went to bed nice and early at 4:21
Day Four, bullet your day
The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1 according to Kayley Hyde (via Skype)
- everything is so awkward and forced
- oh god
- sexy time
- they are taking turns eyeing the bed
- they are going skinny dipping
- I think the presex montage just happened
- she like...shaved her legs and shit
- who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!
- come ON
- oh jesus
- BROKEN HEADBOARD
- HAHA
- we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED
- they got married and had sex
- literally not a thing else
- they're now playing chess
- fucking hell
- she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE
- oooh playing chess again!
- AND AGAIN
- they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away
- oh god she's begging now
- this is honestly awkward softcore porn
- and now she's vomiting into the toilet
- gross
- god seriously
- nothing happens in this god
- it's just a bunch of shitty subplots
- the wolves are so shit
- shit
- lsbgksdg
- THIS IS SO BAD
- weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit
- I don't even know what's going on
- THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE
- I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps
- oh god Bella's drinking blood
- I'm taking a shot
- the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT
- Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life
- OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
- "GET HIM OUT OF ME"
- loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton
- aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth
- YUP GOOD
- the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat
- there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL
- Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE
- HER BLOOD IS FREEZING
- the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.
- she just gave birth and then died
- without a flicker of emotion
- Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove
- this is the creepiest scene ever
- he just fell to his knees in front of a baby
- I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming
- uh oh vampire v wolf death match
- oh jk rules and shit
- wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves
- so much for bros before hoes, shit
- meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body
- she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.
- you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?
- that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn
- jacob, Jacob, JACOB
- AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED
- TO CHEERS
- I require the last two hours of my life back
- who do I go for for that
Peter Jackson came to work on his birthday without much fanfare until the dwarves surprised him with their present… a calendar that featured each dwarf in some inappropriate position. Think of it as a Hunky Firemen calendar but instead of hunky firemen it was all hunky dwarves in the most ridiculous romance book cover positions imaginable.
“I miss you, but I haven’t met you. Oh, but I want to.”
—The Civil Wars, ‘To Whom it May Concern’
1. Five ways to win your heart
1). Sense of humour (I know, what a stereotype, but I literally spend about half my life laughing - it’s very attractive)
2). Scruff (Yeah, I like a bit of un-tidyness in the appearance. Some nice stubble is always a good option.)
3). Shoulders you could build a house on. (I know, it sounds weird, but shoulders are so important, you don’t even realise. Also, I fall over a lot so if they have broad shoulders and a good centre of balance I can just fall into them. Problem solved.)
4). Being happy. (I love a good moan, I do, I really do. But essentially I am a happy person and there is nothing worse than a morose git constantly bringing you down.)
5). Finally, they must find my laugh adorable and endearing. (This is as much for them as it is for me, honest. I go purple when I laugh. And I cry. It is a sight to behold.)
Well, it is essay time...
And apparently I’ll do anything to procrastinate…
Me too, me bloody too.
